Thursday, April 28, 2011

3 years ago

Three years ago my little Dax was born. I'm so blessed to have him in our lifes. He's such a sweet little boy. He's growing so much and learning things everyday. It makes me sad to see him so big but I also love the new things he does.  He's in to anything boy right now and its so much fun.  To my Dax i love you very much and i can't wait to see what's in store for you later. i know that you are going to be a great big brother!

I feel so alone.

I do I feel so alone. I know most people are a call away or an email. But I've realized I miss my job, I miss my friends I saw every day at work. I had people stop my my cubical just to talk or see what i was wearing that day or what not. I miss talking to people all day. I also miss getting all dressed up and wearing heals and doing my hair. I miss i think the most is that feeling that I'm a part of something and people depended on me for things. I liked feeling needed. I liked having people to talk to.

Now I am a stay at home mom. I always thought that would be cool, it was something I had wanted. I felt bad having to go back to work and not be there for my baby. But now that I have that I just don't know what to do. I know in the last 6 months I've really sucked at it. I've tried things. I even got a bike and a trailer for Dax. But it's too hot in the day and I just can't ride the bike like i use to. I know he depends on me and needs me but it's not the same. I talk to a 3 year old most all day. It would be nice to talk to someone or hang out. I'm learning that this is something I will have to learn to deal with. My one friend that i really connected with here moved. She is also a Navy wife. Our ward out here is small and full of order people. I can't wait to get to our next command. We should be there for a few years and I plan on making tons of friends. There is a BYU in the area so I'm hoping to make some good friends.

I'm just feeling a little alone for the moment. I hardly see Billy and when he's home he's doing things. I have a 3 year old all day and no friends. Its hard for me to get a job cause of Billy's schedule and our now one car. I'm hoping things look up soon. But for the record, Tennessee lottery I miss you and all your great employees. It was a great almost 4 years!

At last!

An update on where I have been. Its been a crazy few months down in FL. It hasn't been the best. Our house sucks, I'm now a stay at home mom who has no idea what she's doing, and Billy's sechedual keeps changing. Our house has window units that don't work as well as cental air. It's so hot down here now and not to talk about humid. My family came down here to visit us for 3 weeks and that was hard. But nice to see them. Dax is now potty trained. He did so well with it I;m really happy how it all turned out.  He's getting so big. Also in big news, I'm pregnant! We are so excited. We were tring on this one and what would you  know it happened the first time we tried. Within the first month my test said yes. We can't wait for our baby to be here in November. Well most likely in October. I am having another C-section so i pray it goes better than last time. Billy got his orders so we are waiting for his hard copies. We are almost out of this dumpy place and i am so happy.  Not much has really been going on. We have just been the 3 of us mostly. Cleaning house, going to the park, watching movies....I have been cooking more so that's always good. Well i do plan on updating more often now that we got the computer fixed and internet working well. You know with all our changes going on.